My Heart Longs For You
by xx-Secrets-xx
Summary: Romance and sorrow intertwine as one ThunderClan tom struggles with his love for a shecat he knows he can never have.
1. Chapter 1

**For some reason I suddenly got the urge to write a first-person warriors romance story. I don't know why, I just wanted to. And so I did. It isn't very long, but I believe it is very sweet. I am plainning on it only being a one-shot, but if I get a lot of reviews for this I may consider adding more chapters to the story or maybe just adding a couple more one-shots. Hmmmm... you never know. Anyways, here is my story.**

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I watch you as you flow across the clearing, my eyes tracing every line of your sleek body, memorizing every hair of your pelt. Your muscles rippling under your thick fur, your eyes glowing in the light of the sun – your very essence drives me crazy. It is all I can do to keep my heart in check, to keep myself from chasing after you, from leaping on you and pinning you to the ground and whispering how much I love you in your perfect ears.

But I can't. I can never tell you what my heart screams when I see you, no soul save me will ever know the secret that follows me. The shadow of another tom still haunts your shoulder, and his memory still pads through your heart; as real to you as if he were here next to you, instead of roaming the dappled silver sky. I see the look in your eyes when he is mentioned, the grief and pain and love all mixed in a whirling sea of deep, vibrant green. I feel my heart fill with the same colour when I hear his name, and my claws sink into the earth as I try not to show my pain. You were barely apprentices, how can you feel for him what I feel for you? You barely knew each other; your time together was like the twitch of a whisker.

I know you will never love me the way I love you; I know your beautiful eyes will never light up when you see me, the way they did for my brother. Every time I see you, my heart breaks again, because I know I can never have you; I know you will never give your heart to me.

And yet you have stolen _my_ heart, and it lies pinned firmly beneath your claws. If only you would return it to me, so the scars from your claws could heal, and I might learn to love again. But you do not realize the piece of me that you have captured; and so your paws still hold my heart, never letting go.

Sometimes I race through the forest at night, only to get away from you as we rest in the warrior's den. I yowl my grief to StarClan, and beg them to take my heart away, and replace it with a rock. For I'm not sure if any love is worth the pain I feel when you are near me.

And yet, there are other times when I feel as thought I am walking on the stars, when every twitch of your delicate whiskers, every flick of your plumed tail, sends my heart whirling away, and makes my mind drift on waves of love. When we are hunting together, our pelts brushing as we creep through the forest, or sitting vigil for the camp. When our beating hearts are separated only by a fox-length, and I imagine that maybe, just for a moment you might love me; those are the times I wouldn't trade my love for you for all of the mice in StarClan.

When you see me, what do you see? Do you see a fellow warrior, a sort-of friend, just another Clanmate? Or is there something more hidden in my pelt, which only you can see? Is there a soul inside me that you could love, behind my black and earth coloured fur? Or do you only long for my brother, for his tawny fur and amber eyes; do you still only care for the cat who was taken from you so many seasons ago?

I hear your voice calling to me across the clearing, and I am jerked back into reality, away from my day-dreams and wishes. You bound towards me, your eyes sparkling with excitement. You tease me, calling me a lazy furball, and I purr a response. As we pad out of the camp towards the ShadowClan border, I feel my heart swept up in your emerald gaze, and my mind fades away, leaving my heart alone; to hope, to dream, to love you.

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**That is the first one-shot I have ever done, though I have a bunch of other stories on fanfiction. I purposely never mentioned the names of the cats, though I don't think it should be too difficult to figure out who they are, if you really want to know. Like I said, unless this is extremely popular, it will remain a one-shot.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well, I don't think you could call this story EXTREMELY popular, but I want to show everyone who reviewed how grateful I am, so I have decided to continue. It will be with the same pair, not other one-shots, and I think in this chapter it will be painfully obvious who they are. Just a heads up, the two cats are from The New Prophacy and never actually hooked up in the series, but they seem to be a popular pair, and I think they'd be cute together. Well, read on.**

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You begin to draw ahead; your slender frame leaping with the liquid grace only a cat could posses as we race towards the border we are supposed to patrol. Your tail flicks across my muzzle as you bound forward, I laugh and playfully snap at it. Suddenly you stop; we have reached the ShadowClan border. I don't realize you have ceased to run, and before I can skid to a halt I am sent crashing into you. We roll together down into ShadowClan territory, a tangle of fur and paws and tails. Our momentum carries us a rabbit length into the territory, right into the grasping arms of a rosebush. I land sprawled on the sandy ground, the thorns pulling at fur where they captured it. You roll father into the bush, right into the heart of the beautiful yet deadly plant. 

I scramble to my paws, wincing as clumps of my short black pelt twine around the thorns, leaving me behind as I wriggle out from under the bush. A few scraps of brown fur from my chest and belly have joined the rosebush as well. I turn, and see your white head poking out from under the claws of the bush. I see one of the thorns has left a shallow groove on your cheek, and small tangles of your snowy fur flutter on other branches. At last you squirm out of the rosebush to stand beside me. I glance you up and down, blinking in sympathy when I see the small red sores where your fur has parted from you.

I lean forward, concern glimmering in my amber eyes, to gently sniff your forepaw. A red stain paints the edge of it, and I can just see the end of a dark black thorn sticking out from your pad, small scarlet drops oozing around the edges. I look up into your face, sympathy masking my, dare I say it, handsome features. You shrug as if to say, 'it's not too bad'. I gently place my teeth around the thorn and pull slightly, gently easing the spike out of your paw. I hear you gasp a little, and pull on it with one sharp up. It comes free in my mouth, and it scratches my neck as it comes free. I feel a trickle of blood ooze from the scratch, and wince as the pain reaches me. I hastily spit the barb onto the ground, and then look int your face. Gratitude and concern flashes in your eyes, and I lick your ear, showing you I'm fine. I bend down, and then gently run my tongue over the wound in your pad, cleaning the blood and dirt from the sore.

Suddenly, I feel you stiffen.

"ShadowClan!" you hiss. I look up, scenting the air. Sure enough the bitter, strong scent of ShadowClan cats fills my scent glands. The scent is everywhere, we are on their territory of course, but the wind carries a stronger sample of their stench towards us.

"Mousedung," I hear you hiss, your eyes have spotted enemy warriors.

"ThunderClan!" a dark russet she-cat spits. My heart sinks into my paws as I see who it is. Of all the cats in ShadowClan to lead the patrol, it just has to be Russetfur, the cold ShadowClan deputy. Without waiting for any sort of explanation from us she raised her tail, signaling for the warrior and apprentice at her side to leap forward, with her flame coloured form bounding at the head. Her lips curled back, revealing long ivory stained teeth and her eyes flashed almost manically.

"Run!" I screech. We turn tail and flee, screeching as we fly across the ground. We leap over the ThunderClan border, our pelts standing on end and our tails fluffed up. Russetfur stops her pursuit.

I hear her screech in fury behind me, her frantic curses following us as we dart away. I wince inwardly, if she brings this up at the next Gathering Firestar will have soemthing to say to us.

I notice a scarlet drop spiral away from you as we run. Your paw has started to bleed again. I slow my pace, then finally stop. My breath is coming in raged gasps, though I feel as though I could still run for hours as adrenaline pumps through my body.

I turn to look at you, and suddenly we both burst out laughing, more from relief than anything else. You are so beautiful when you laugh, do you know that? Your green eyes sparkle and your entire face lights up. I guess you notice me staring at you, because you tilt your head to the side and ask me if something is wrong.

You are so beautiful when you are concerned. Great StarClan, you are always beautiful! When you sleep or eat; when you're angry or thoughtful; you are always as beautiful as the night sky.

As we pad slowly back to camp, I keep a close eye on your hurt paw. As we walk next to each other, our pelts separated by the merest mouse-length, I feel sorrow creeping through my fur. You are so perfect. A deadly warrior, skilled hunter, and as beautiful as Silverpelt. You are my soul-mate, the only she-cat I can ever love; but we can never be together. Silently, I curse my brother, why did he have to steal your heart?

"What's wrong?" a sleek tabby figure bounds over to us as we enter the well-sheltered camp, his amber eyes glimmering with concern as he sees your hurt paw.

"Oh nothing, I just got a thorn in my pad," you reply non-chalantly, your eyes full of playful affection for my younger brother – your best friend. You were apprentices together, the only two apprentices in the new forest for a long time. I run my tail along my brother's pale tabby flank, purring softly in his ear. We aren't the closest of siblings, but I always try and keep an eye on him, especially after what happened to our sibling back in the forest.

"Come here," I hear Leafpool call. Our pretty medicine cat walks over to you, examining your cut with her sharp eyes. You pad obediently forward, but I notice you keep off your paw as much as possible. Leafpool leads you into her den, a slender cleft in the rock, and I watch you go, my heart fluttering in my chest like the wings of a thrush caught under my paws.

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**Know who they are yet? Even if everyone guesses their correct identity, I'm not sure if I'll ever come out and actually say their names. At least until the last chapter or so. Just a warning, this story won't be incredibly long - less than twenty chapters. Most likely only twelve. Well, review everyone, even if you only write, "I read it".**


	3. Chapter 3

**Everyone who guessed who the two cats are were right. I'm not going to say their names though, like in the story; I like the way it sound without their names. Thank-you to everyone who reviewed!**

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"Firestar told me about your apprentice's warrior ceremony today," a soft voice murmurs in my ear. I turn my head to see two green eyes looking into mine. "I'm really happy for him; you've been a great mentor." The she-cat touches her nose to mine, her ginger fur brushing mine.

"Thanks," I lick her ears in gratitude, feeling the warm affection for her roll gently across me. Squirrelflight and I had trained together as apprentices, and though she and I had never been extremely close, she had been good friends with my brother, and I have always admired her courage and spirit. "He's been ready for the ceremony for a long time. But Firestar wanted to give him time to recover." I mew sadly, glancing over at the grey and white form of my apprentice where he lies next to Cinderpaw. His fur is flat and sleek against his body; quite different from its usual scruffy un-kempt appearance. His amber eyes sparkle with excitement as he chats with the grey she-cat, but I can see traces of sorrow in his face.

"This should be a happy time for him," I whisper, feeling my heart go out to my young friend, "but he will always remember the dark shadow that hangs over it when he thinks of this dat."

Squirrelflight lays her tail-tip on my shoulder gently, her green eyes glimmering with sympathy. "I know," she whispers, "but it will make him into a great warrior some day, just wait."

I open my jaws to speak again, but a ginger blur flashes in the corner of my vision. I look up, and see our leader standing on the Highledge. The gentle breeze makes his orange pelt ripple, and his emerald eyes gleam like polished stones.

"Cats of ThunderClan," he yowls. His jaws open wide, his strong voice ringing across the clearing, "let all those old enough to catch their own prey gather here beneath the Highledge for a Clan meeting!"

I see my apprentice stiffen, and then jerk his head up. His amber eyes flash with excitement, though grief still gnaws at the edges of those golden orbs. He presses his muzzle to Cinderpaw's ear, whispering softly to her. I see her blue eyes close, and a look of gentle joy spreads across her face.

I turn my head away from them, my heart crying softly. They are so happy, so beautiful together. They will never have to watch the cat they love from afar; never have to know that the only cat they could ever love loves someone else instead. They are already sure of their future, already confident that their love is enough. I want to feel happy for my apprentice, but all I can see is your forest-green eyes, and all I can feel is my heart tearing in two.

Something soft brushes my flank, and I turn my head. There he is, determination and excitement and sorrow and pride and love all flickering in and out of his eyes like the last dying flames of a fire.

"I just wanted to thank-you," he murmured, looking down at his paws, "for everything. You are the best mentor I could have asked for, and I owe you so much." He looks back into my face, and I bend forward to touch noses with him, pride filling my chest. I remember the first time I touched my nose to his, when he was a dappled kit, and I an inexperienced warrior. Now he is ready to join the ranks of warriors, and his heart has been tied to another. A new respect for him flares through me; he has lived through so much, and has always survived, and gown from it.

"I'm so proud of you," I murmur in his ear, licking his forehead swiftly. I hear him purr, and then he pads slowly away to join Cinderpaw and her brother Molepaw. I see his gently touch noses with the grey she-cat, and then sit down next to her, winding his tail around hers. I was so caught up in watching the two young cats that I missed the beginning of Firestar's speech.

As I snap back into reality, I hear the ginger tom purr, "Mousepaw, do you promise to uphold the warrior code and to protect and defend this Clan, even at the cost of your life?"

Mousepaw rises to his paws, untangling his tail from Cinderpaw's, and pads up the rocky slope leading to the Highledge.

"I do," he meows, his voice ringing strongly through the stone clearing. I hear mews of approval from my Clanmates, and blink warmly at my apprentice.

"Then by the powers of StarClan I give you your warrior name: Mousepaw, from this moment you will be known as Mousefang. StarClan honors your strength and your perseverance, and we welcome you as a full warrior of ThunderClan." I feel my chest swell with pride as Firestar rests his head on my former apprentice's shoulder. Mousefang dips his head and licks Firestar's shoulder.

He is a warrior!

"Mousefang! Mousefang! Mousefang!" the Clan cheers. To my surprise, the new warrior raises his tail for silence. The Clan stops their cries, and confused murmured spread like wildfire from mouth to ear.

"With your permission Firestar," Mousefang turns to our leader, "I would like to say something." Firestar nods his head, and I think I see understanding flit across his face.

"Cats of ThunderClan," Mousefang begins, "nothing makes me prouder than to be able to call myself a warrior at last. But I would like to honor the memory of," I hear his voice choke up, and his amber eyes are seared with pain. But he takes a deep breath, and then continues bravely, "the memory of two apprentices who deserve to be up here beside me, but who never got the chance. Berrypaw and Hazelpaw." I hear a sob escape his jaws as the names of his brother and sister escape his jaws.

I close my eyes, sorrow searing across me as I think Berrypaw and Hazelpaw, their life cut cruelly short by a speeding Twoleg Monster. Images of the two cats chasing a fox out of out territory flash across my mind. I hear their rapid breath as they dash after it; I see its burgundy tail as it races across the Thunderpath. I hear the screeches of two apprentices mingle together in a last wail of regret and pain. And then I see them, two small bodies, crumpled together on the black expanse of the Thunderpath.

"Berrypaw! Hazelpaw!" I hear a lone voice cry out. I see Cinderpaw rise to her paws, yowling her former denmates' names, her blue eyes glowing. Other cats take up the cry, until the entire Clan is yowling. "Berrypaw! Hazelpaw! Berrypaw! Hazelpaw!"

I see Mousefang look up at the sky where the first silver bodies of StarClan are already appearing, and I know he is searching for the stars that hold the souls of two apprentices taken to their ranks many moons ago. Then he turns and pads slowly down the rocks to the earth. I see Cinderpaw leap to his side, immediately twining her tail with his, whispering in his ear. Other cats surround him, and he is lost in a sea of brown and white and black pelts.

One last time I hear Firestar call out, his voice rising above the mews of the Clan. "Tonight Mousefang will sit silent vigil over the Clan, reflecting on his new status as a warrior." The noble tom dips his head, and then takes a step back to join his deputy Brambleclaw near the back of the Highledge.

"Your apprentice is a great cat," I hear a familiar voice murmur in my ear. I turn, and see the golden face of Brackenfur. His amber eyes are gazing at Mousefang and Cinderpaw, their flanks pressed together, her head resting on his shoulder.

"Former apprentice," I mew, "and yeah, he is." I smile inwardly at the compliment. Mousefang is as close to me as kin. When Berrypaw and Hazelpaw were killed Daisy decided to return to her farm. It was too much for her; she couldn't bear to stay here anymore. After that I pretty much adopted the young tom; he is my younger brother in my eyes.

"He really loves her," I murmur, watching Mousefang gently groom Cinderpaw's ears

"I know," Brackenfur purrs, gazing softly at his daughter. Brackenfur and Cinderpaw have always been really close. Maybe it has something to do with how she looks so much like his sister, or maybe it's because he is her mentor too; I don't know. All I know is that I'm happy he approves of Mousefang and Cinderpaw's love for each other.

Slowly the group of cats around Mousefang fades away; off to sleep or hunt or patrol, until he and Cinderpaw are left alone. I see his gently touch noses with her, and then licks her between the eyes. I begin to pad towards the warrior's den to sleep, but stop as the wind changes. I can hear their words now, drifting on the wings of the wind towards me.

"Mousefang," Cinderpaw whispered, her voice barely louder than a mouse's as she looks at her paws, "is anything going to change now that you're a warrior? There's never been a cat like you Mousefang, I don't want anything to happen…"

"Cinderpaw," Mousefang's voice is so gentle and so tender that even if I was half deaf I would have realized he was in love with the cat he was talking to, "a lot of things are going to change. But the one thing that I promise you will never change is how I feel about you. Not even StarClan could take me away from you. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. Cinderpaw, I love you." Mousefang gazes down into Cinderpaw's blue eyes, and in that moment the exact same look covers their faces.

Suddenly, they change. No longer do a young grey and white warrior and a pretty dark smoke apprentice stand there, their tails intertwined and whispering softly. Now a beautiful white she-cat and a long-limbed black tom stand there before my eyes.

"I love you," the tom murmurs staring into the she-cat face.

"I love you too," the she-cat whispers, tenderly touching her nose to that of the black warrior. His purr is loud enough for all of ShadowClan to hear.

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**Awww, Mousefang x Cinderpaw is so cute. :3 Next chapter coming soon!**


	4. Chapter 4

**I am in love with this story. It is my second favorite out of all the stories I have written, Together at Last being my favorite.**

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"I love you too," you whisper, stretching your head up to lick my cheek tenderly. I feel your purr rumble through your fur, and know that my pelt in doing the same. I glance up at the sky, where Silverpelt stretches out, a shining blanket of silver and black. 

_Thank-you StarClan. You have given me everything._

"We have to go," you whisper in my ear. I look down, tender affection spread across my face.

"No we don't," I murmur, "we can stay here forever," I nuzzle your neck lovingly, and wrap my tail protectively around you, "this is our world, forever."

"We have to go," you repeat, sorrow haunting your voice. You draw out of my embrace, padding backwards away from me. "Come on," you call, waving your tail, beckoning me. "Come on we have to go!"

I take a step forward, ready to follow you, when suddenly you vanish. I yowl into the darkness, straining my senses for any sight or scent of you. But all I see is the dark fog that has surrounded. I yowl again, feeling the earth slip out from under my paws. Suddenly I am twisting and turning, falling into a deep pit. I look beneath me, above me, around me – all I see it blinding darkness. I yowl as I spin, waiting for impact, waiting for death, waiting for…

"Wake up! We have to go!" something pointed prods my side, like a thorn or a claw. My eyes fly open and I jerk my head up.

"At last you're awake!" a voice meows exasperatedly.

_What?_

I shake my head in confusion. What is going on? One moment I'm falling to my doom and the next moment I'm here… in my nest… in the warrior's den…

_Stupid! You were dreaming! _

I feel grief sweep through me. My paws feel as heavy as stones, and my heart has withered away. You never promised you love me; you never looked into my eyes with bare affection in yours. Nothing ever happened. Nothing ever will.

"Are you coming or not you lazy lump?" the voice hisses again, as someone prods my flank sharply with outstretched claws.

"Ow!" I hiss, looking up to see who it is that is torturing me. I see Squirrelflight standing over me, her green eyes narrowed in exasperation, raising one paw to poke me again.

"I'm up, I'm up!" I mew hastily, scrambling to my paws. A little annoyed, I twist my head to lick my ruffled fur, grooming the scraps of moss and bits of twigs from my glossy black pelt.

"Are you coming on the dawn patrol or not?" the ginger she-cat hisses, poking once more, this time in the neck.

"Ouch! Sheath your claws Squirrelflight!" I hiss, batting her paw away and glaring at her. She doesn't seem bothered by my death-stare however, because she continues to talk.

"You told Dustpelt you'd go on patrol with him today. Should I tell him you'd rather hibernate like a fat hedgehog or are you going?" she mews, her eyes still narrowed.

"I'm going," I say, my ears flattening against my head. That she-cat can be scary when she wants to! I quickly bound out of the den, feeling Squirrelflight's green gaze burning holes in my haunches as she follows me.

The sky is still as dark as Tigerstar's soul, laced only with tiny threads of light at the edge. I close my eyes, breathing in deeply. The air smell damp and heavy, I can tell it is going to rain.

"At last," Dustpelt hisses gruffly, rolling his eyes as I pad over to where he is waiting. Honeypaw and Rainwhisker are standing next to him. Thornclaw yawns widely, his tongue lolling out over white teeth as Honeypaw extends her forepaws, stretching cramped muscles. They both seem tired.

"Is this everyone?" I mew.

"Yes. Now we can…" Dustpelt is cut off by the arrival of Sandstorm.

"Thornclaw, Firestar wants you to take Poppypaw out for hunting patrol," the ginger she-cat mews, locking eyes with the ginger warrior, "He says it might be a good idea to have her hunting assessment today."

"Whatever you say," Thornclaw yawns again, "Sandstorm." Shaking his head blearily, the golden warrior pads away in search of his apprentice. Sandstorm dips her head to Dustpelt, and then bounds off to talk to Brightheart, who has just emerged into the camp with two mice in her jaws.

"Let's go then," the pale tabby growls hurriedly to stall any further interruptions as he shakes one paw. Dew still heavily coats the ground, soaking our paws and the tips of our tails if we let them drag along the earth. I flick my ears as a raindrop bounces off of them, a single shining drop spirals to the ground.

"Isn't this perfect - rain." Dustpelt snarls, twitching his tail ill temperedly, "if ShadowClan rips our fur off while we patrol this will be the perfect day," he growls as we pad out of the clearing.

"Hey," I hear a gentle voice whisper in my ear, I turn to face Honeypaw, her warm amber eyes glowing softly in the early morning light. "It looks like there's a storm brewing," she murmurs, bounding up beside me. I smile and nod, my mind still wrapped around you, lost to the world in my fantasies.

"Yeah," I manage to mumble at last; I know my eyes are still foggy and vacant, "It looks like StarClan is going to send our Clan its namesake soon."

She twitches her whiskers in amusement, and I thank my warrior ancestors I haven't made a total mousebrain out of myself yet this morning. The apprentice says nothing more, and I must admit, I am glad. I am now free to pad in silence, lost in my dreams of you. Suddenly a feel a warm paw bat my shoulder lightly.

"You're it," Honeypaw purrs, her almond shaped eyes gleaming with mischief. Instantly I snap back into the real world as I crouch down, snapping playfully at her. Quick as a flash I dart out one paw. I catch her foreleg, and she hisses in mock-anger as she springs forward. I whirl around, racing away from the golden cat, my ear flattened back in playful terror.

"Mrowoow!" I yowl as my paws slide out from under me. I land with a thud on the ground, completely winded. As I try and regain my breath, I glance around for what caused my fall. Immediately my amber gaze lands on scattering of wet leaves. I must have trodden on those in my haste to escape Honeypaw.

"Great StarClan," I hear Dustpelt mutter under his breath. I see Squirrelflight roll her eyes, an exasperated expression on her ginger face.

"You're as accident-prone as a kit," Honeypaw purrs, padding over to me. Good-humored teasing gleams in her voice, "We should let Daisy take care of you."

My fur heats up as I clamber to my paws. I am keenly aware that Honeypaw is smiling at me with a half oh-you-silly-furball and half what-will-I-do-with-you expression. Mission mousebrain is complete.

"Come on, ShadowClan will all have died of old age by the time we reach their border!" Squirrelflight yowls, standing beside her former mentor. I mumble a quiet "sorry" as I pad up beside her, a leaf still clinging to my flank.

Dustpelt growls, and then starts off again – this time at a run. I am glad for the speed, and for the feeling of the wind as it rushes past me. Slowly all of my troubles seem to melt away, until the only thing in the world is the sound of my pawsteps and the wind as it slices through my pelt.

I love to run. I remember, as a kit in the nursery, I would sometimes run in circles for hours, while the other kits played leaders of the forest or some such game. When they asked me why I never played any real games, I would tell them that running was better than any game. Then I'd have them all, my twin brother, Leafkit, Squirrelkit and you, racing around trying to catch their tails. But they would soon lose interest and go back to their games, leaving me to enjoy my endless circling on my own.

The run ends all too quickly when we reach the ShadowClan border. I dig my claws into the earth as their vile stench coats the inside of my mouth.

"They smell like they've all been dead for a moon," I hiss, "I guess we did wait too long to come."

Honeypaw lets out a faint _mrrow _of laughter, and I see Squirrelflight twitch her whiskers out of the corner of my eyes. Only Dustpelt rolls his eyes as we begin our path down the border.

"I'm going to have to wash for until I'm an elder to get rid of this stench!" Honeypaw complains, licking the fur on her shoulder. I curl my lip in agreement; ShadowClan scent clings to fur like vile burrs.

"The sooner we get this over with the sooner we can get out of the rain," Dustpelt growls, shaking his pelt and sending water flying away. "So stop complaining and hurry up!"

I share a glance with Honeypaw as we pad after my father. She smiles at me and rolls her eyes tolerantly. Every cat knows about Dustpelt's sharp temper, and the sting of it wore off long ago.

"He's your father," Honeypaw hisses in my ear as she walks next to me.

"Since when has that mattered?" I whisper back, glancing up at the tabby tom ahead. Honeypaw lets out a barely suppressed mew of laughter, her pretty eyes glowing with soft gamber light.

I open my jaws to speak again, but before I can I feel myself flinch in alarm as a bolt of lightning tears across the sky. Honeypaw's eyes widen as she looks up into the cloud-covered sky. The storm breaks so fast we have no time to realize or do anything. The rain pours down now, soaking us to the bone and flattening our fur to our frames. Thunder roars all around us like an ocean of deafening noise.

"Let's forget about patrolling!" Squirrelflight yowls, her green eyes wide with fright and anger, "Let's go back to camp!" Dustpelt yowls in agreement, and we all begin to race back towards the stone hollow.

Another bolt of lightning rips the sky in two above our heads. I begin to run faster, my long limbs flying over the ground. I am surprised to see how close Honeypaw is to me; I would have thought I would be long ahead of her. I suppose she hates the rain even more than I do.

When we finally reach the camp we look half-drowned. Honeypaw's head seems huge when compared to her body with its fur all flattened down. Squirrelflight and Dustpelt look the same, and I can imagine I do as well. There are no cats in the center of the camp. What reasonable warrior would want to stay out during this storm? Lightening and thunder flash across our senses nearly every second it seems, and when the wind dies down for just a bit I can hear the terrified yowl of a kit.

"I'll be right into the warriors den," I yowl to the others of the crash of the thunder, "I'm going to check on Ferncloud."

"I'll come too," Dustpelt yowls back, already halfway to his mate. Of course, how could I expect him not to want to check on Ferncloud and my brother and sister? Icekit and Foxkit will be apprenticed this moon, but as long as they are in the nursery they are still kits in my father's eye. I race after him, not wanting to stay in the open for a moment longer.

"Ferncloud," Dustpelt murmurs gently, sliding into the nursery, "how are you and the kits?"

"We're fine," Ferncloud assures him, blinking warmly up at him with her soft blue eyes, "Icekit was just a little startled by that loud burst of thunder a little while ago."

"I wasn't afraid!" my younger brother mews proudly, his little tuft of a tail sticking up straight in the air, his amber eyes excited.

"I wasn't afraid either!" Icekit protests, her blue-grey eyes wide, "I was just surprised."

"I know you were," I purr softly, wrapping mm tail around her. Personally I don't think the spunky she-cat ever gets scared of anything.

"Spiderleg you'd better get back to the warrior's den," Dustpelt suggests, lying down next to Ferncloud, "it's a bit crowded in here. I'm going to stay to keep Ferncloud and the kits company."

"Alright," I mew, "bye Foxkit, bye Icekit."

"Guhbye!" they purr, rubbing against my legs. I rumble out a purr, I love my younger brother and sister to death, and visit them nearly every day. I feel sorry for them a little too. It is hard when there are no other kits to be with. I am the only cat of my siblings to have had other kits with me in the nursery. I mean, Birchfall was with Mousefang, Berrypaw and Hazelpaw for a little while; and Jaypaw, Lionpaw and Hollypaw were living with Foxkit and Icekit for a while, but not long enough to really count.

I pad out into the pouring rain, flattening my ears against my head as I sprint for the warrior's den. Once inside I promptly shake out my tail, summoning hisses and yowls from every side of the den. I notice that not only warriors have taken shelter here, but also Poppypaw and her sister Cinderpaw. They must have been with their mentors when the storm struck.

"Watch it!" Squirrelflight growls from her nest next to Brambleclaw. The two are lying next to each other, the deputy's tail wrapped around her flank, her head resting on his shoulder. Brambleclaw gently begins to wash her ears, covering her head in warm, affectionate rasps of his tongue. I close my eyes, trying not to feel my heart breaking.

Fox-dung I hate this! Every time I see any cats showing any type of affection for each other I wish I could die. Life isn't supposed to be like this.

"Sorry," I mumbled, quickly padding past the two cats, to where my own nest is. My hind paw catches on someone's tail, and I turn hurriedly to apologize, only to be stopped dead by two perfect green eyes and beautiful snowy fur.

"Sorry, I'm really, really sorry," I blurt out, mesmerized by your beautiful face. You smile at me, amusement flitting behind your emerald orbs.

"It's nothing, really," you purr, resting your head on your paws. Only now do I notice Birchfall is lying next to you, his tail resting on your flank, his pale tabby chin nestled on your shoulder. My heart freezes, and it as if I have been turned to ice.

_Can you love him?_ I wonder, jealousy sweeping through me. I know that green flames are filling my eyes, so I quickly turn away, seemingly intent on arranging the moss in my nest.

_Are you in love with Birchfall?! Is he in love with you?!_

"I'm going to go and talk with Poppypaw," Birchfall mews, standing up. I glance at him, and he smiles at me, raising one eyebrow as he pads away. I watch him for a moment longer, just enough time for him to lie down next to Poppypaw, his amber eyes gleaming as he whispers something in her ear.

_Mousebrain! You know how long he's had a crush on Poppypaw! He told you himself the day he had his warrior ceremony! You are turning as suspicious, and paranoid, as ShadowClan! _Silently I curse myself, wishing I could scrape my claws through my own fur. I'm going to go insane if I keep thinking that every cat is in love with you. I can't believe that I suspected my younger brother, and your best friend in the world, of being your mate.

_Does Birchfall know I'm in love with you? _The thought leaves me dumbstruck, my eyes widening as I stand in my stand, poised for lying down. _Why else would he suddenly leave when I came, why not go directly to Poppypaw before?_

I sink into my nest, glancing across at my younger brother. He is laughing at something that Mousefang just said, his amber eyes fixed on the grey and white tom, his whiskers twitching. He doesn't so much as glance in my direction.

_Can he?_

I turn my head to face yours, all thoughts of my brother fleeing my mind when my eyes connect with yours. A bolt of lightning rips through my fur, leaving me reeling, my head in the clouds, in its wake.

"You were on patrol when the storm started right?" you purr softly, careful not to wake the slumbering cat next to you. I recognize it as your mother, Brightheart, curled up into a ball next to Cloudtail, who is speaking with Thornclaw in a low voice.

"By the ShadowClan border," I manage to mew, "luckily there was no sign of them."

"Yeah, a battle with them during a thunderstorm is no way to die," you purr, your whiskers twitching in amusement.

I let out a soft _mrrow _of laughter, curling my tail tighter around me. As the rain beats against the ground and the thunder and lightning shatter the sky outside, I feel my heart slowly mend, and all my troubles drift away. For this moment I can believe that everything will be alright. In this instant, everything truly is perfect.

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**I know, sappy ending - but hey, this whole story is sappy! Review!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry I haven't updated in a while.I think you're going to like the twists I thought up while I was gone though!**

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"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" small paws batter my flanks and sharp tiny teeth nip my tail gently. I squeeze my eyes shut, desperatly trying to cling to my covering of sleep.

"Wake up!" I felt a wet nose burrow into my ear as an insistent voice yowled straight into my brain.

Immediately I was jolted into the waking world. My head shot off my paws and I felt my entire body stiffen in surprise. I twisted my neck around and saw the two little creatures that had taken me from my peaceful slumber.

"What is it you two? Can't you let a warrior sleep in peace?" I growl, swiping one black paw at the kits that have invaded my nest.

"But it's our apprentice ceremony!" Icekit squeaks excitedly, her pale blue eyes wide and her fur sticking on end.

"Come on!" Foxkit grabs my tail in his teeth and tries to pull me up.

"Firestar promised we could wake you up before the ceremony, now come on!" Icekit glares at me now, and for a moment I can truly see our father in her.

"Alright, alright I'm coming!" I hiss, rising slowly to my paws. I yawn and stretch, my back arches into the air. I hear Foxkit pacing back and forth eagerly.

"Alright, let's go," I mew at last, padding out of the warriors den into the bright sunlight of the camp. I blink in surprise – it's Sunhigh already!

I notice Firestar speaking to Brambleclaw and Sandstorm on the Highledge, his orange fur glowing in the bright sun. He gives me a slight nod, and then pads forwardto stand st the very edge of the shelf of rock.

"Cats of ThunderClan!" he yowls, "Let all those old enough to catch their own prey gather here beneath the Highledge for a Clan meeting!"

I look at my brother and sister out of the corner of my eyes – they look ready to yowl from excitement. Icekit is on her paws, her slender tail weaving back and forth, while Foxpaw kneads the ground with ginger paws.

I purr and bend my head to lick Icekit's ears, she turns her face up to look at me. I see flames leap through her eyes.

"Who do you think my mentor will be?" she mews softly, glancing around at all of the warriors gathered under Firestar's den. I bet she is imagining every one of them is her mentor.

"I don't know," I admit, "there are quite a few warriors without apprentices."

"Today two apprentices have reached their sixth moon. Foxkit and Icekit, please step forward," Firestar blinks warmly at my siblings as they walk right up in front of their Clan. "Foxkit, from this day forward until you have earned your warrior name, you shall be called Foxpaw; Stormfur you will mentor Foxpaw."

I narrow my eyes as I watch the dark grey tomcat pad forward, his amber eyes glimmering with excitement. It is all I can do to keep myself from challenging Firestar. How can he let Stormfur mentor a _ThunderClan _apprentice?

I don't trust that tom. I never have and I seriously doubt I ever will. He doesn't seem to have the ability to stay loyal to one Clan. RiverClan to the Tribe, to ThunderClan, to RiverClan and then back to ThunderClan; Firestar should have driven him off when he came creepking back here with his Tribe mate, instead of welcoming in with open paws. Stormfur doesn't belong here, he should just go back to RiverClan and take Brook with him. I feel a growl rumbling up from my chest. I bite my tongue to keep fro saying anything, but that doesn't keep my ears from flattening against my skull. I don't like Firestar's choice of a mentor for Foxpaw, I don't like it worth two mousetails.

"Icekit, from this day forward until you have earned your warrior name, you shall be known as Icepaw. Whitewing you will be Icepaw's mentor. You have proven yourself to be a intelligent and skilled warrior, and I trust that you will pass on all of the skills to this young apprentice."

You slink forward, your muscles rippling under your luscious white coat. As you bend to delicately touch noses with my sister I feel all traces of hostility wash away. I resist the urge to bound forward and twine my tail with yours, pressing my nose to your ear in congratulations. All I can do is watch as the Clan surrounds the new apprentices, and new mentors, my eyes never leaving your beautiful face.

Even as the Clan disperses – to hunt or patrol or to curl up and catch a few moments of rest – my mind lingers on you. I watch you draw Icepaw off to the side, my sister mewing excitedly and you smiling indulgently as you answer her myriad of questions. Slowly everything fades from sight, even the small white shape of my sister, until you are the only cat left in the world. All I see are your almond shaped green eyes and snowy white fur, and all I can hear is the gentle mew of your voice.

Suddenly a voice behind me snaps me back into reality, and I spin around to find Brambleclaw standing a few pawsteps away. I feel my skin heat up in embarrassment; did the ThunderClan deputy notice me staring at you?

"I was wondering if you'd be up for some hunting," the tabby meows, "the fresh-kill pile is getting a little low."

"Sure," I mew, glancing back to where you and Icepaw were talking but see no trace of any white cat having been there. I hide my dissapointment, then turn back to Brambleclaw, "should I take out a patrol?"

"If you like," Brambleclaw mews, "but it doesn't matter." I nod, then whirl around and dash out of camp. A hunt might do me some good.

I sprint through the forest until I'm a good distance away from the camp, the slow down until my pawsteps seem to glide over the ground with the silence of an owl. I prick my ers and open my jaws, scanning the undergrowth for any trace of prey.

Suddenly I hear a sharp crack behind me and the unmistakable scent of rogue fills my scent glands. I hiss sharply, feeling my blood boil. A trespasser on ThunderClan territory! I unsheathe my claws and turn around, trying to pinpoint where the rogue is hiding. The fur on my spine begins to rise and my tail fluffs out. I'm ready to drive this intruder out!

"Calm down," a voice hisses, traces of amusement discernable beneath the arrogant mew, "I'm not any threat to your Clan. In fact I'm just the opposite." I let out a low growl as a dark tortoiseshell tom emerges from a large clump of bracken, his green eyes narrowed and intent on mine, "I want to join ThunderClan."

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**The beginning of the twist has come!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Here is the end to the cliffy. Sort of...**

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"What?" I snarl, feeling my fur spike up even higher. How dare this… _rogue _prance into ThunderClan territory and ask to join our Clan as though he were commenting on the greenness of the leaves? How dare he? 

The tortoiseshell sighs dramatically, rolling his bright green eyes, "I said: I. Want. To. Join. Thunder. Clan." He says every word very slowly and carefully, as though speaking to a young kit or senile elder.

"I know what you said!" I spit, feeling battle-lust growing behind my eyes. How I would love to lunge at the tom and rake my claws across his face…

"Well then, take me to the camp!" the tom says as he rolls his eyes again.

I open my jaws furiously, my eyes blazing with amber flames. My claws are fastened so deeply into the dirt that it feels as though I'll never get them free. I close my jaws again, too angry to speak. How dare he?

"Get out," I hiss at last, between tightly clenched teeth. I will give him one chance to leave – after that he is fresh-kill!

"Well, that isn't very polite," the rogue mews calmly, licking one forepaw and drawing it over his ears, "and I though your Clan was supposed to be the noble ones." Then he shrugs and mews, "Oh, I get it. Your mother is a ShadowClan fleabag isn't she?"

Red fills my eyes. I let out a screech and leap forward. His smug face is my target – my claws will ruin his good looks if it's the last thing I do before meeting StarClan.

Letting out a short hiss of disgust the tortoiseshell jumps nimbly to the side, "If your mother is from ShadowClan, then your father must be a badger. You got your speed from him!" He snaps contemptuously, "HalfClanb and HalfBreec - StarClan must really hate you! But of course you have to carry on your family's traditions - you're mate is a Twoleg isn't she?"

"You're dead," I scream, spinning around and glaring at him. THere is nothing I want more than to slice open his throat, nothing I want more than to feel his blood dripping through my fur...

_No-one insults you and lives, _I yowl inside my head.

My haunches are tight with anger, and my eyes are little more than slits. I glance from side to side, carefully judging my surroundings. A tall oak tree grows to the rogue's left; a large clump of sharp brambles twists its way up behind him. He has only one way to go. I nod in satisfaction, and then race forward, keeping my belly low to the ground. Again he side-steps, clearly intending for me to barrel head-first into the thorny bush. But warrior blood races through my veins, and I have trained since kit-hood for this task.

Inwardly I laugh at the tom's expression as I leap up into the air at the last second, twisting my body so that I am facing him. When I land my forepaws connect with his shoulders, my claws digging deep into his flesh. He lets out a screech of rage and pain, but I don't loosen my grip. Instead I bend my head down and sink my fangs into his neck. With a single twitch of my jaws I could kill him, my teeth are millimeters away from the vein that spells life or death for him. One swift move and he will fall to the ground, his fur stained crimson.

I move my head slightly to the side as I consider. It's not like he can go anywhere; with his belly pressing against the ground, his legs splayed over the ground and my weight pushing him down there is no way he is escaping.

Then I make a decision.

_No cat insults you and lives._

"Spiderleg?" a deep voice hisses behind me. I swivel my head as much as I can without releasing my prisoner, and find two green eyes staring levelly into mine

"Firestar," I mew, raising my head out of the loner's throat and dipping my head respectfully. The ginger tom raises one eyebrow slightly, and I sigh and slowly clamber off of the rogue "accidently" digging a deep red trench in his skin as I do so.

I pad forward to stand next to Firestar, nodding curtly to Sandstorm, Brackenfur and Hollypaw. They must have been on border patrol.

The tortoiseshell says nothing as he rises to his paws, only turns his head to stare directly at me. There is a promise in his eyes – and I know that I will have a chance to sink me teeth into his flesh again.

"Who are you?" Firestar snaps, stepping forward. I blink in surprise – the ginger tom never gets angry like this, not without warning at least. I look into his eyes out of the corner of my own. The emotions that flit through those emerald orbs makes me freeze. Hostility is there, it races to and fro, getting ready to spring at the rogue with claws unsheathed. But no anger backs this flare. At the base of Firestar's mistrust I can see… recognition; fear?

_That can't right_, I shake my head. But when I look into my leader's face again I see the same swirling clouds as rested there before.

I turn back to look at the rogue, dread filling my heart. If Firestar is afraid of this cat… But who is he anyway? And how does Firestar know him?

"My name is Snakebite," the tom said, his eyes flashing with pride.

_How could any cat be proud of such a name? It holds no honour, no pride. The only thing captured in that name is battle-lust._

I feel the fur on my neck rise even higher as Snakebite lifts his head high. He looks as though he believes he is Freistar's _equal_! I hear Hollypaw let out a low growl, she has noticed Snbakebite's disrespectful attitude as well. But the black she-cat is cut off by a sharp look from Brackenfur, and I hear her mumble under her breath, the words incoherent.

"And I am here to join ThunderClan," Snakebite looks away casually, his eyes following the lazy patterns of a leaf as it drifts along the wind. The nerve of that… that… _rogue_!

"Why should I let you join?" Firestar hisses. His voice is calm, and I can hear traces of curiosity, and hostility, in his voice. As well as snippets of the recognition in his emerald eyes.

"Because I am the kin of the she-cat you once loved," Snakebite mews, "I am Spottedleaf's brother."

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**Bet you didn't see that one coming! Don't worry, Snakebite's connection to Spottedleaf will be thouroughly explained in the next chapter. **

**Review!!!!!! NOW!!!!!**

**Whitewing: Be polite.**

**Me: Why?**

**Whitewing: Because otherwise I'll run away with Brambleclaw and start a new Clan called WhitebrambleClan and ruin your story completely.**

**Me: Well maybe I don't need you... I'll get Snowbird from ShadowClan to fill in for you.**

**Whitewing: NOOOOOO!!!**

**Me: He-he-he.**

**Whitewing: Fine, be polite because otherwise the readers will throw sporks at you.**

**Me: Not sporks! Wait - how do you know about sporks?**

**Whitewing: Not important. Anyways...**

**Me: Fine. Review please! Happy now?**

**Whitewing: Yes.**

**Me: I don't know what Spiderleg sees in her.**

**Whitewing: Yes you do - you wrote this story.**

**Me: Oh yeah! I can make you disapear.**

**Whitewing: Oops. (vanishes)**

**Me: Haha.**

**Spiderleg: Oh shut-upn already and start updating!**

**Me: You are so bossy...**


	7. Chapter 7

**Alright, this chapter definatly isn't one of my best. I will be editing this one VERY soon. **

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My amber eyes roll up and down the tom, trying to see anything familiar. Of course I know it is useless – Spottedleaf died before even my mother was born – but my paws are flailing wildly, trying to catch onto anything that will keep me from falling.

Firestar is frozen. I can see his green eyes stretch out wide with… I can't catch anything behind those glass orbs, the emotions there are swirling too fast for me to recognize.

"Spottedleaf's kin?" Sandstorm growls, the fur along her neck bristling.

I glance at her out of the corner of my eyes, feeling pity for the fiery she-cat tug at my heart. After all these moons Firestar still hasn't forgotten his first love. I feel a thorn pierce my heart, and I look at my paws. Will I even ever have a first love – one who loves me back?

"How can that be?" The ginger she-cat continues, stalking forward to push her muzzle right up into Snakebite's face, "You are barely any older than Spiderleg." She flicks her tail in my direction, and I realize she is right. Though strength ripples under his sleek coat, his limbs still glide across the ground with the ease of youth and there is no age tugging at his eyes or paws. Spottedleaf, had she lived, would be a good many moons older than Firestar.

"Let me make a correction," Snakebite purrs silkily, disdain glimmering in her eyes as he glances at Sandstorm, "I am Spottedleaf's _half_-brother. Though we share a father, we were both born to a different she-cat. The ThunderClan medicine cat you knew was fathered by Leopardpelt, and born to a gentle warrior named Heatherfur. Shortly after Spottedleaf was born, our father was exiled for conspiring with the WindClan warrior Shadedfern to overthrow the WindClan leader – Tallstar. Then Leopardpelt met my mother, Samantha, and thus I and my younger sister Frostheart were born."

"Fox-dung!" Hollypaw snarls, I can scent her hostility towards the young tom.

I must admit I agree with her.

"Firestar, you don't actually believe this cat do you?" Sandstorm asked, her green eyes stretching wide as she looks into her mate's shocked face.

Firestar opens his jaws to speak, then shuts them again. After a moment he manages to hiss, "Come to camp."

"Firestar," Sandstorm begins, the fur along her spine beginning to bristle.

The ginger tom cuts her off with a single sweep of his tail, "Not now!" he growls, her dark eyes narrowed as he stares Sandstorm down. The pale she-cat looks like he has struck her.

I watch as my leader turns and begins to journey back to camp, Snakebite following close at his heels. I let out a deep growl as the rogue passes, the tortoiseshell merely flashes me an arrogant grin.

Hollypaw lets out a sharp hiss, and this time Brackenfur does nothing to discourage her.

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"I can't believe him!" I snarl. My fur is standing on end and my claws sink deep into the hard-packed sand with every step I take. "This time he has gone too far! Just because some cat comes and claims to be a long-lost relative of this one she-cat he used to have feelings for he goes and invites him into our Clan – no questions asked!" Fury unlike anything I have ever felt races through my blood.

"Spiderleg!" a young voice shrieks behind me. I turn my head, just as a grey-white blur barrels into me. I let out a yelp of alarm as I am tossed, none too lightly, to the ground. I feel strong, thankfully sheathed, paws battering my flank and pressing down on my neck.

"Grr-off!" I manage to growl as my air-pipe is constricted by a large grey paw. The cat steps lightly to the side, and I sit up and glare at Mousefang.

"What was that?" I meow crossly, licking my tousled fur.

"I have great news!" My former apprentice's eyes are wide and bright with a look of wild joy that makes me prick my ears forward with curiosity. What could have him _this _worked up? To my annoyance he doesn't continue, only stress at me, as though waiting for me to say something.

"What is it?" I mew exasperatedly.

"I'm going to be a father!" Mousefang yowled, tipping his head back and shaking out his fur.

I swear to StarClan my jaw just hit my paws.

"What?" I nearly yell, my eyes stretching wide and my eyelids blinking rapidly as I try to digest this news. My barely twelve moon old former apprentice; my adopted brother was going to have _kits_!

"Cinderpaw just told me," Mousefang purrs, wrapping his tail smugly around his paws.

"Wait – _Cinderpaw _is having your kits?" In my astonishment I hadn't even stopped to think about who the mother was. But of course it would be the grey-pelted apprentice. Mousefang hadn't even glanced at another she-cat for moons.

Mousefang nodds, his deep purr preventing him from saying anything. His amber eyes dart to the side, and I watch Cinderpaw bounding over towards us, her blue eyes shining.

"Congradulations," I purr, licking the new queen over the ears.

Cinerpaw nods shyly, cuddeling up to Mousefang, her head nestled comfortably under his chin.

I feel a pang of sorrow so sharp and deep that it takes my breath away. Tears come to my eyes and my claws sink deep, deep into the ground. Will I ever experience that security of knowing the cat I love holds me in their heart the way these two do? Or am I forever doomed to hover on the outskirts, watching others with envying eyes while the object of my adoration stays forever out of my grasp?

I try to shake my thoughts away. But even though I push them to the side, I know they are just beneath the surface of my heart, forever a dark shadow looming over me.

"What are you going to do about your training?" I mew, trying to keep all emotions but happiness out of my voice.

"I just talked to Cloudtail about that," Cinderpaw purrs, "he says I'll have my warrior name long before I need to move into the nursery. He was so great about it all – though I know he'll tease me to no end while we're training." Amusement creeps into her voice and I can see soft affection for her mentor gleaming in those two blue pools.

"Well then, congratulations again," I purr. I turn away, afraid my longing and grief will be visible in my eyes.

I want what they have so much it makes me want to scream. I want to be able to tell you I love you without the fear of rejection; I want to be able to curl around you and murmur softly in your ear, I want to feel that same fierce, burning joy that is flaring through every inch of Mousefang as he looks gently into Cinderpaw's eyes.

Seeing you slide out of the elders den is almost too much to bear. I shut my eyes, forcing my legs to stand still and not send me running away.

Taking a deep, slow breath I open my eyes again. This time to find myself facing Snakebite.

"You!" I hiss, the fur on my neck beginning to stand on end. The tortoiseshell grins at me and raises one eyebrow, then turns away with a dismissive flick of his tail.

I would spring at him right now – except I can see Firestar out of the corner of my eye. He is just emerging from his den.

"Cats of ThunderClan! Let all those old enough to catch their own prey gather beneath the Highledge for a Clan meeting!" The last rays of the sun hit his pelt directly, turning him to a brand of fire. I stare in awe. It is though I am seeing him the way the elders described him when he first came to the forest and was made an apprentice. When the sun made his pelt glow like fire and his eyes shine like emeralds; I can truly see now why Bluestar gave him the name she did.

"A cat not belonging to any Clan met with me today, requesting to join our Clan. I have given him permission to stay here, and to train as a warrior under the guidance of the senior warriors."

_Great StarClan no!_

_

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_**I have to admit I love Cinderpaw x Mousefang. Any suggestions for their kits' names?**


	8. Chapter 8

**I'm so sorry, it's been nearly two months since I last update! (grovels for forgiveness) This chapter is short, and mostly a filler, but next chapter will be better I promise!**

**

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PREVIOUSLY...**

"A cat not belonging to any Clan met with me today, requesting to join our Clan. I have given him permission to stay here, and to train as a warrior under the guidance of the senior warriors."

_Great StarClan no!

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_

**THIS TIME...**

I swear if I had even a mousetail less self-control than I do I would bound up to that ledge and claw some sense into our leader. As it is I can do nothing about my fur as it rises to stand on end or my teeth snarling up at the tortoiseshell.

"What?" I screech, leaping to my paws, my eyes burning with indignation. Firestar gives me a cold glare, but I don't back down. I will not endanger ThunderClan, even if it means facing my leader's wrath. "Firestar you cannot allow this… scum to enter the Clan! Don't you realize that he is lying about being Spottedleaf's brother?" I mew harshly, my ears flicking in satisfaction as I hear the gasps of astonishment and suspicious whispers rise up from my Clanmates.

"Silence!" Firestar yowls, his voice echoing off the stone walls. There is such anger in his voice I nearly flinch, but still I gaze coldly up at our leader and Snakebite, unwilling to give even a pawstep of ground. "I am the leader of this Clan, something that is often forgotten amongst this Clan," no cat speaks, "it is true that Snakebite says he is the younger half-brother of Spottedleaf _and I have no reason to doubt him_," his voice is low and filled with barely contained fury as he stares at me, "I will hear no more of this. Ever. Brackenfur and Ferncloud take Snakebite for a patrol of our territory so he can –"

"That won't be necessary Firestar," the tortoiseshell purrs smoothly, flashing a "winning smile" at the ginger tom, "I have been studying the Clan for a long while and know every pawstep of the territory. And may I say what an honour it is to finally be a part of the noblest of all Clans," he dips his head in a show of humility, my claws sink into the ground.

"We are happy to have you," Firestar purrs, licking the warrior's shoulder, "very well, if you do not need to be shown the territory please take out a hunting patrol."

Snakebite's eyes flash with triumph and he turns to face me, raising one eyebrow cockily. Not five minutes a ThunderClanner and he already is leading a patrol. Firestar is a mousebrain, worse: he is a mousebrain endangering his Clan. I do not trust that rouge, not one mousetail.

"Who shall I take?" he asks softly, his eyes already rolling across the sea of fur below.

"Any cat you like," Firestar mews, then his eyes grow cold, "Except Spiderleg. I want him in my den now!" Our leader turns and pads back into the shadowy alcove that is his den. I clench my teeth together and stiffly rise to my paws.

Like a cat made of wood I climb up the steep rocky path up to the ledge where Snakebite still stands. His bright green eyes flash at me once, and then he yowls out a name, presumably to accompany him on the hunting patrol. I freeze, my blood turning to ice in my veins.

"Whitewing!"

I turn away from the dark expanse before me and look down. Your white body, so beautiful, so angelic, is sliding gracefully between our Clanmates. My heart flutters beneath my breast, the air catches in my throat. StarClan you are perfection embodied. You look up to where we stand and I lock gazes with your deep, enthralling green eyes. I lose myself in your gaze, I am drowning in a pool of soft ferns and gently flapping leaves.

"I love you," I whisper, unable to hold those three words inside any longer. I wait for you stop, to see the shock in your face, to watch as it slowly fades away into a look filled with such pure love it will make my heart break and mend one thousand times. I wait for you to push past the cats barring you from the cliff and scramble up the rocks, pushing past Snakebite so that your muzzle is buried in my pelt. I wait for an eternity for you to reply with the words I need to hear, I love you.

But you don't. For an instant longer our gazes meet, but then you give me a quick, polite smile and shift your focus to Snakebite, beckoning him with your tail. My heart crashes into the deepest reach of the earth. Still my heart's cry remains unheard; you are too far away, my voice too distant.

I don't notice as Snakebite stiffens, as he turns and looks at me, and then glances down into the clearing. I don't see his eye light up with understanding, or the vicious smile that spreads over his muzzle. I don't even notice as he brushes past me and bounds down into the clearing below.

All I can see is you.

* * *

**Awwww, he is soo smitten. xD**

**Okay, next chapter will be in Whitewing's POV, actually the next few might be from her POV, I haven't decided. Again I apologise for the delay... **

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	9. Chapter 9

**Alrighht, as promised this chapter is in Whitewing's POV. I really like it, I find it cute. And sad.

* * *

**Sympathy for Spiderleg washes through me as I hear the anger in Firestar's voice. That tom is in big trouble now. I shake my head slowly, why is he so worked up about Snakebite? The rogue seems perfectly fine to me. I shift my gaze to his lean tortoiseshell form scrambling down the rock ledge towards the ground. His green eyes are flashing with emotion – excitement? Anxiety? Pride? I can't tell. This surprises me – usually I am good at sensing what others feel. I could tell what emotions were buried in your heart nearly as quickly as you could. But there's something about Snakebite, something that keeps him locked away, hidden from view. He's hiding something. 

"Ready to go?" he asks as he pads to my side, dipping his head in greeting. I smile at him.

"Sure," I mew, turning to pad out of the camp.

"I know the perfect spot to hunt," Snakebite murmurs as he bounds forward to walk beside me, his pelt brushing mine with every step.

Surprised I blink at him.

"I know every pawstep of this forest," he continues.

My skin flushes beneath my pelt. Of course, he said that before. Now I feel like such a mousebrain.

Snakebite lets out an amused purr and rests the tip of his tail on my shoulder, "It's okay," he says, "I guess it's unusual for a newcomer to know your territory as well as you." Something in his voice, the gentle understanding, the well-humoured laughter, makes the red wave of embarrassment fade away.

"So... where are we going?" I ask. _Anything _to break the awkward silence sliding in between us.

"There's a small glen right on the outermost border of ThunderClan territory," Snakebite mews, "shady but very warm. There's always prey there. I lived there for the first couple of moons I came here."

I nod, and we fall back into silence. The sounds of the forest all around seem amplified, brought to a noise level much higher than standard. I can hear the gentle rustling of the leaves above our heads and the melodies of the birds. It's so beautiful, so peaceful. I wish you were here to see it...

Pain fills my chest as your sweet face appears before me, your round gold eyes filled with hope and confusion, your soft brown fur still clinging to its kithood down.

Why does your memory have to bring so much pain? I want to feel the love we shared, the friendship that bound us together when I think of you; not the agony of your death. I want to be able look up into the night sky and be filled with hope, certain in the fact that we will be together again one day; but instead I am filled only with furious anger, a rage hidden deep in my soul but never extinguished. I will never forgive StarClan for robbing me of you, for ending your life when you had only begun to live. I would forget them entirely, never mention their name nor wish to live among them when I die, were it not for you. I can't give up our one chance at happiness together, no matter my war with our ancestors.

"Whitewing?"

Slowly I surface from the whirlpool of my thoughts. My claws have sunk into the ground and my heart is pounding. I shake my head slowly from side to side, feeling as though my heart is breaking anew. Every time I see your face, or hear your voice or smell your sweet scent my soul shatters into a million pieces, grieving for the future we never had.

"Sorry," I mumble, not looking my companion in the eye, "I was just thinking."

Snakebite says nothing. Still I do not look into his face. After a long while he finally speaks. "Alright," he voice is gentle, as though he knows exactly what is wrong, as though he understands. For a moment longer he is silent. Then he says, "Are you ready to hunt?"

"Yes," I whisper. At last I raise my face and look into his. His green eyes are filled with an emotion so strong it takes my breath away. Sympathy? Pity? Affection? Again they are all muddled, I can't tell one from a squirrel.

Together we crouch, parting our jaws to scent the air. Snakebite is searching for the warm, fresh aroma of prey scurrying beneath the leaves and the fallen twigs of this place.

I am searching for you.

* * *

**Can you tell who the "you" in Whitewing's POV is?**


	10. Chapter 10

**I know it's beena long time and I really am sorry :( especially since I've been saying I'll update sooner. From now on I guess expect an update once every month, and if they come more frequently then that's great. **

**The chapter is in Whitewing's POV again. **

* * *

"...and the dog runs yelping away, its tail tucked behind its legs."

I laugh, I can't help it, the image of the huge Twoleg being terrified by a shadow is too much.

"You can't be serious," I mew at last, catching my breath. I raise my eyebrows sceptically as my companion nods, no jest in his green eyes.

"Honest to StarClan."

I shake my head in bewilderment, "and to think ThunderClan was almost destroyed by a pack of dogs. We could have just thrown pieces of prey at them to get them to go away!"

Snakebite laughs, "I'm not sure, from what I've heard those dogs were much more than overfed Twoleg toys."

"I suppose."

I blink contentedly, the warm sun caressing my pelt, the gentle whisper of the wind rushing through the trees filling my ears. A friend near by... Surprised by my thoughts I blink. A friend? I've barely known this tom for a morning and yet I already think of him as my friend? I glance sidelong at him, carefully scrutinizing his handsome face and shining tortoiseshell coat. There is something about him that makes me feel totally at ease, as though I could tell him anything and trust him completely. I feel as though I've known him for moons instead of hours.

I've never had a best friend, someone I could share anything with, anything at all, someone who I felt was my "second half". Birchfall and I are close, but our friendship has dwindled since becoming warriors, and we never were extraordinary friends.

"Are you sure we can't eat any? We sure deserve it..."

Snakebite startles me from my musings with his question.I glance from the mouse resting between the tortoiseshell's paws, its limp body still warm, to the well-sized pile of fresh-kill beside us.

"We really shouldn't..." I say, but my eyes are gleaming mischievously. It's been so long since I've been anything but the perfect, quiet Whitewing that I suddenly long to break the warrior code in this one small way. Slowly a grin spreads across my face. "We have hunted a lot..."

"Definately!" Snakebite nods enthusiastically, "Technically we have hunted for the Clan already, even if we haven't brought it back..."

"True. So there's nothing wrong with eating something – we've hunted enough to feed nearly the whole nursery." My grin has turned to a full-blown ear-tip to ear-tip smile now, and the very tip of my tail is twitching eagerly. I feel like an apprentice sneaking off behind her mentor's back, and it's exhilarating. Everyone in Thunderclan expects me to be quiet and demure and obey the warrior code to the letter, while she-cats like Sandstorm and Squirrelflight get to tear from here to the mountains without any cat batting an eye. I suppose in a way it's my fault, I have never been good at disappointing my Clanmates, especially my father, and so have moulded myself into what I think they expect of me. After you... left to join Starclan I withdrew into myself, becoming little more than a shadow, a shell of the spunky apprentice Whitepaw. I suppose that's what my Clan began to expect of me – and me from myself.

But that isn't who I am! I'm not some weak little kittypet who needs strong warriors to protect her, I'm as fierce in battle as any other ThunderClan cat; and beneath my quiet, timid exterior there is the soul of a bird. A trapped bird, desperately needing to be free, to fly, to stretch her wings and sing! How many moons can I live like this? Denying myself even the right to be who I am... I am going to die if I have to stay here, buried beneath my own skin.

I watch Snakebite rise to his paws and bound over to the fresh-kill pile, crossing the grassy expanse in a single leap, then scoop up a large squirrel in his jaws and pad back towards me.

"Share?" he suggests, his emerald eyes filled with a dancing light.

I nod, blinking up at him. Gratitude wells up in my heart, bubbling through my body like frothing water. He is so kind, so friendly to a cat all but a stranger to him. He expects so little of me; only that I be myself. My true self. Why is it that a rogue can see strait through me, strait _to _me, while my own blood cannot?

You knew me. You saw me even when I couldn't see myself. You never wanted me to change, to be a pretty ornament, a decoration, delicate, intricate. You wanted me to be me, to live every moment to the fullest, to run in the rain and play beneath the stars. When I yowled songs to the moon you never laughed or tell me my behaviour was inappropriate; you were right there next to me singing along – your amber eyes glowing as they looked into mine, your face shining with exhilaration and joy...

Every night I see you. The moment my eyes close I can hear your laugh, your gentle murmurs in my ears, smell your fragrent scent and feel your fur on mine. But you do not show yourself to me – you are but a phantom, a shadow of what once was. Are you truley the cat I love? A Starclan warrior? Or are my dreams merely illusions, created by a yearning, broken heart?

Thoughts whirl beneath my skin, capturing my attention, drawing me in. The bright, sun-soaked scene before me fades, the tortoiseshell face already so familiar to me blurrs, a streak of emerald the only signal that a warrior sits merely mouselengths from me. I am left alone in the fog of my memories.

Every day I can feel myself pulling farther away from reality, I am dissappearing, little by little. My soul cries for you, and the wail is getting stronger. My paws are on the ground, but my heart is in the star-decked sky, flying next to you.


	11. Chapter 11

**There is much drama in this chapter, though I hope it isn't too rushed. And I'm only one day past the "1 Month Updatingness" Yay! **

**This chapter is in Spiderleg's POV.**

I sit at the very edge of the camp, desperate to cross into the lush green, but held back by a force stronger than my own will. I can feel Firestar's eyes watching me, waiting for me to make my move, to disobey. I'm sure he expects me to leave – everyone does. I've never taken well to punishment, never staying in camp for longer than a day when confined to it. And yet again I have landed myself here, trapped beneath the claws of the warrior code. I'm tempted, so sorely tempted, to leave. To stand up adn whisk away. Run through the forest, no master but myself, maybe find you on your patrol...

I shake my head. Not now, not again. I can't afford to lose any more of my Clan's, and my leader's trust, not if I want to expose Snakebite. I know he has some motive for being here, something he's hiding.

I sigh and rise to my paws – then turn around. I notice a look of surprise cross my brother's face; I suppose he was expecting me to bolt at any second. I hiss at him only half good-naturedly. He shrugs and rolls his eyes, then calls to Poppypaw, just emerging from the Leafpool's den, one forepaw raised off the ground, swathed in delicate spider webs.

"What happened?" the pale tabby rises to his paws, bounding from where he had been sitting in the shade of the warrior's den, over to her side, gentle concern flickering in his eyes.

"I'm okay," the dainty tortoiseshell purrs, her whiskers twitching in amusement, "just stepped on a thorn." Birchfall sniffs her paw carefully, then nods as though satisfied with our medicine cat's work.

"Come on, let's get something to eat," he offers, Poppypaw nods and pads after him in the direction of the fresh-kill pile.

I hesitate, looking around the nearly empty camp. I spot Foxpaw's russet tail poking out from beneath one of the thorn-decked camp walls. Curious I pad foreword, then bat at it lightly. My brother's prone form jerks, then hear a muttered curse.

"Poppypaw honestly! You made me bump my head on the-"furiously the apprentice scrambles out from underneath the spiny plants, starting when he sees it's me and not his denmate who disturbed him "-thorns. Oh, it's you."

"Yeah, it's me. What were you doing under there anyway? Isn't Stormfur supposed to be training you?" I narrow my eyes, my distrust of the grey furred tom washing through me. I don't like it that my brother is being mentored by a halfClan, and if Stormfur is neglected his training...

"Firestar sent him out on patrol at sunhigh – I've already been out today, so Stormfur said I could stay here and fill in a couple of the gaps in the wall if I wanted. I decided to do that – patrol twice in one day is a little much."

"Alright... but if you want to go out later just ask me okay?"

"Sure." My brother blinked his dark eyes amiably, and then darted back to his work, his rump wiggling in the air as he dodged the thorns. I _mrrow _in amusement and turn to leave, where to I have no idea, I'm already going mad from boredom, when I crash into a warm flank.

"Sor-" I begin to apologise, but then I turn my head to see who I have stumbled into, and see green eyes framed by soft tortoiseshell fur, "Snakebite." He narrows his eyes at me, but says nothing. My eyes slide from my face to his companions, this time the emerald eyes and soft and elegant, the fur around the silky and white, gorgeous as the moon.

My heart catches in my throat as I see the pain in your face – the anguish in your eyes. Then fury rushes through me, replacing the sorrow.

"You!" I snarl, whipping around again to face the rogue. He did something to you – hurt you. I don't know what he did – but I'm going to make him pay for the heartbreak I see when I look at you.

I lunge forward, claws outstretched, fur on end, my eyes blazing with the heat of a forest-fire. My jaws open, then clamp shut. I taste the copper tang of blood, and growl in satisfaction. I press my body down, crushing that piece of foxdung beneath me, then battering him with unsheathed claws. Clumps of tortoiseshell fur scatter over the ground. The rush of battle roars in my ears.

Pain. Stupid, stupid. I never realised he had flipped onto his back, adn my belly was still exposed. With one swift kick his hind-legs connected with my belly, sharp claws scoring scarlet grooves down the soft flesh. I fly through the air, and land winded. I look up, Snakebite is rearing above me, reading to crash down. I twist away, and he lands on nothing. Before he can regain his balance I slither forward, clamping my jaws around his hind-leg. He screeches and whirls around, but my teeth have him off-balance, he topples over, and I spring on top of him again. My claws sink into his shoulder. I hear him hiss in pain, I smile in satisfaction. Now he's paying for whatever he did to you.

"Stop!" the screech, by no means the loudest voice, stops me cold. I surface from my rage again. I blink, and realise the Clan, well the members that were in the camp, are staring at us, eyes wide in surprise or narrowed in suspicion in turn. But none of them had the yowl that stopped me, it was you. You are staring at me in open horror, your green eyes wide with fear and anger, your fur on end. "What are you doing?" there is venom in your voice, and every word cuts me to the bone.

"I...I..." I scramble for words, surprised by this sudden turn of events. I thought I was saving you, protecting you, avenging you...

"Get. Off. Of. Him." Each syllable is laced with ice, and the open disgust in your face hurts me more than Snakebite's claws. I obey, each cold blink of your eyes wounding me, and yet I cannot look away.

"Come on," you whisper softly in... his ears, tenderly running your tail along his flank, "Leafpool will look at those." You lead him past me, your tail slapping my face as you brush by.

Slowly the Clan disperses, the drama over, still mumbling and speculating. I stand still, my pain giving my paws roots.


	12. Chapter 12

**Antoher short chapter, very, very short, but so dramatic! :3 Very cute as well.**I cannot believe him! Fury vibrates through my body; adrenaline rushes through my veins. I watch as Leafpool carefully applies a packet of carefully chewed herbs to Snakebite's leg. It stings. He doesn't let on, doesn't even wince, but I can tell. I rub my head against his shoulder comfortingly, another wave of anger glows red behind my eyes.

* * *

"Hold this," Leafpool instructs me, holding out one end of the gauzy spider web. I obey; pressing it against the warrior's wound as gently as possible. Our medicine cat binds it tight.

"That's the last of the scratches." She nods, surveying the other bandages applied to Snakebite's body. "None are deep; as long as you take it easy for a day or so you'll be fine."

"Thank-you." Snakebite dips his head respectfully, rising slowly to his feet. I press my shoulder against his, helping him balance. He blinks warmly at me.

"What was that about?" I ask, trying to keep my cool.

"I have no idea."

I search his eyes for a moment, but see only truth in their green depths. I smile and lick his cheek; I never really thought he was guilty. I mean that blasted tom just attacked him out of nowhere.

"Looks like rain." I hear one of the elders rasp as we pass their den. The sky above has turned grey and foreboding, storm clouds mimicking my own mood.

"Need anything?" I ask gently, watching Snakebite settle into his nest.

"I don't think so." There is something almost like regret in his voice as he looks around the empty den. "At least I won't be missing much if it really does rain."

I look back over my shoulder into the camp. Bile rises in my throat as I spot Spiderleg. He's standing exactly where he was before, staring into the warrior's den.

How dare he even look at us after what he did?

I raise my head in contempt and look abruptly away. Everyone else is either talking amongst themselves or out on patrol. No-one needs me right now.

"I'll stay for a bit," I murmur, lying down next to Snakebite. I think I hear a soft purr well up in his throat; I rest my head on his flank.

"Thanks," he whispers, running his tail-tip along my back. I look into his face, already half-asleep.

"For what?"

"For accepting me. I know the Clan doesn't trust me..." I brush the tip of my tail over his muzzle.

"I do."

He smiles at me; it makes him look so young and innocent, as though the years of living on his own have been wiped away.

Slowly his breathing becomes shallower, until I know he is fast asleep. I fell so content here, lying next to him. Its as though I've known him for my whole life.

Rain begins to patter against the roof, sending warriors diving for shelter. Even though voices well up all around me, I don't hear them. It's as though we're in our own world, Snakebite and I: A perfect, quiet world.

I think I'm falling in love with him.

* * *

**Plot twist! So what do you think? Does Snakebite love her? Who will she end up with - him or Spiderleg? Or will it be somebody else all together? Review!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Alright, so I've been gone for all of July, only got back home two days ago, and so haven't been able to update my stories. However, I have pretty much nothing up for the rest of summer, and so I have nothing but free time - which I will be using to write me fanfictions. I hope to get this fic finished by the end of August.**

**This chapter is from Whitewing's POV.**

* * *

_The night is empty – the dark sky is void, StarClan does not watch me tonight. They have left us alone, you and I, alone in an empty forest. I don't care that the trees are silent, that there is the scent of death in the air; it means nothing that StarClan has abandoned me. The only thing that can hurt me now is the accusation in your eyes, the cold disdain on your face._

_Your name brushes my lips, a fragile whisper in this horrid night. I fall to the ground, pressing my belly against the grass and crawling forward. I crumple at your paws, feeling as though my entire body is being torn – from ears to tail I have been cut open._

_You turn your head away, the tip of your tail flicking across my face. I flinch, the wound of that insult more painful that if you had ripped into me with claws and teeth. _

_Again I plead your name._

_Harsh, ragged whispers meet my ears, sharp enough to make me bleed. My heart cracks, a dark line etches its way through the fragile glass._

_Traitor. Wretch. Ungrateful she-cat. You love another, turned your back on everything I gave you, forgot about me the moment you found a different handsome tom. Traitor not good enough for crowfood. I've waited for you in StarClan, you promised that you'd meet me here, that at last we'd be together. But no – you've thrown away true love for the paws of another. If only he knew who you truly are, how much love really means to you. He'd throw you away as quickly as you did me. _

_Each word wedges into my heart, widening the fracture until at last it shatters, slivers of glass springing from the broken organ, lacerating my body from the inside out._

_Please. Please. I murmur, broken, defeated. Without your love, without your touch, I am nothing, I am a shell filled only with pain._

_You look at me, once, and your eyes are filled with frigid loathing. _

_Then a wave crashes over me, cold as a fox's heart, the black water rushing down my throat, into my nose. I am pulled back, down into the black water. Falling...falling...falling..._

**So yeah - this chapter is basically a filler. It's a dream, just in case I didn't make that clear enough in the chapter...**

**Next chapter will be up very soon...**

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	14. Chapter 14

**Alright, here's the next chapter. Told you that it'd be up fast. **

**Spiderleg's POV**

* * *

Rain pelts my fur, soaking me through. I don't care.

My pawsteps shake the wet earth, rumbling like thunder through the ground. I'm sure all of ShadowClan can hear them. I don't care.

I wish StarClan would kill me now, would strike me dead with a bolt of lightning or something. I can't bear this any longer. My heart is being ripped to shreds and me along with it. So many times I've hurt you; so many times I've hurt myself because of you. The look of hatred in your eyes sears my fur, burning my skin, making it twist and blacken.

You hate me. You hate me. You hate me. I care.

Nothing could be worse than this, worse than the ain that's tearing me limb from limb. I'm suicidal; I'm a mouse picking a fight with ShadowClan. I knew you'd never get over him, never give me a second glance. I was never jealous of my brother, how could I be when I knew that you two were soul mates – destined by StarClan to be together? The moment green eyes met golden you two were in love, even as apprentices come straight from the nursery. The whole Clan knew, StarClan - the whole forest knew!

How could my little crush compete with all of that? And so I let it go, let you go.

Then he died - and my world began to unravel. In that one moment, that one speeding monster, I lost everything. My brother, my best-friend, and ultimately my own life; because it was at that moment that I let myself hope, let myself begin to dream, let myself fall in love with you.

And now I'm dying, withering from the inside out. Surely no cat can live long with this festering wound marked upon his heart. No physical injury have I received, and yet I know my moons are short.

I will welcome death. When StarClan comes for me I will run to them with eager anticipation, joining my ancestors with a passion never seen by their eyes before. There will be no more pain for me, no more heart-ache, no more of this searing, burning torture. I will see my brother again, and leave you behind.

But I cannot hasten death. If I could I would fling myself in front of a monster this moment, would sink to the bottom of the lake. But I cannot. I still love you, and my heart will not allow myself to be torn from you. And so I continue my slow, agonising death.

I didn't realise I had stopped running. And yet here I am, stationary, surrounded by a landscape that is entirely unrecognisable. For a moment panic claws at my throat, fear of the unknown, and I feel as though I am suffocated by it.

Forest stretched in all directions, but it is not the forest of ThunderClan. The trees are dark and unfamiliar; the sharp scent of pine hits my nose. But there is no trace of ShadowClan stench to mar the earthy tones, though by their absence or because of the rain I cannot tell.

Suddenly I shiver, my entire body quaking with the cold. My fur feels as though it's as heavy as the Highstone, filled with water as it is. But there is something that keeps me from turning back, from returning to ThunderClan and the dry, warmish warriors-den.

A faint glow begins in the corner of my heart, an ember I though extinguished, slowly starting to burn again. Here I can rest, here I can heal. Away from the Clan, from the whispers, from you. I can lose myself to my instincts; forget the warrior code and the Clan and everything else. Maybe then your green eyes will no longer haunt me, and the sound of your voice won't tear like fangs through my heart.


	15. Chapter 15

**This is a joint POV chapter. The first part is Spiderleg, the second part is Whitewing. Sort of a filler, but not really. It's mostly just showing how the two of them are getting on and stuff.**

* * *

I'm not sure where my clearing is. Only that it rests outside Clan territory. The sun makes it dance with light and life - each delicate green of grass and leaf and plant illuminated in the golden haze.

This place is peaceful and quiet – of course it holds none of the more exciting aspects of a warrior's life - but I find that I enjoy the calm. No more patrols through the rain and the mud and the cold, no more anxiety about when the next feud will break out between the Clans, no more petty arguments between den-mates to deal with – here everything is simply, each problem presenting itself with a clear answer.

Hunger – hunt prey.

Thirst – drink water.

Exhaustion – sleep.

I don't have to worry about the warrior code or StarClan or rival warriors or my leader or what the rest of the Clan will think – all I have to do is focus on one moment at a time, taking each heartbeat, each pawsteps, for what it is and nothing more.

At least when the sun is in the sky. When the stars and the moon rise through the night and the dreams come I feel my serene world shatter around me – the earth heaves under my paws.

Because when I close my eyes – all I see is you. You chase me through my dreams, your green eyes watching, and your soft fur caressing me. When I am in control, awake, and can direct my thoughts it is a simple task to keep them from causing me pain - but at night the images, the memories, come unbidden, tearing through my new-found life, shredding my heart.

* * *

Spiderleg's gone. We all know it now. At first Firestar hoped, was convinced, that he just needed time to cool down, that he'd be back after an extended hunting trip or patrol or whatever he was doing. Duspelt is, after all, his father – and his dark-pelted son definitely inherited the warrior's prickly demeanour.

But now it's been four days, and our den-mate is still missing. No one says it, but we all know. He isn't coming back.

Ferncloud is inconsolable. Three litters. Seven kits. Only three left to her now.

I know everyone thinks it's my fault that he left. I can see it in their suspicious glances; hear it in the muffled whispers. They all judge me, condemn me.

Why should it matter? What do I care if some spoiled, badger-tempered tom ran off? I used to think of him as my friend... used to think... it doesn't matter. It hasn't been like that between us for a long moon. Not since Snakebite joined ThunderClan. Ever since the Spiderleg's acted like a fox with a burr in it's coat and frankly I'm fed up with him. So he can just go and run to ShadowClan for all I care. I'm happy.

No.

I'm not happy. I'm in love with a tom that I shouldn't love. You hate me. You should. I've broken every promise I'd ever made you – and even though I know it, I still do.

"I love you." The foul words slink through the darkness, coiling themselves in his fur. He stiffens, slowly twists his head, his green eyes wide as he looks at me.

"What?"



"I love you." Each syllable tears at my throat like flames, but I can't stop. Something stronger than loyalty, stronger than fear, is directing me now. Somewhere in the darkest reaches of my heart, I hope that maybe if he knows, if he feels the same, then the world will be right again.

A slow purr rumbles through the tortoiseshell's fur, breaking from his jaws like the sun into darkness. He wraps his lean tail around my body, drawing me close to his chest as we stare into the dark forest.

"I love you too." His tongue rasps over my ear, and I close my eyes, listening to the steady thrum of his heart.

And I wish that StarClan would just take me now, kill me where I stand.


	16. Chapter 16

**I know, I know... I said I wanted to have this done by the end of summer. I'm really sorry. I've been so busy (school is CRAZY busy... like insane!) so I haven't had much time to write. The story should be done in... 4 chapters at the least, maybe 6 at the most.**

**This is sort of a filler chapter, but then again not really because it's showing how each character is 'unravelling' and how they're dealing with everything etc.**

* * *

**Spiderleg's POV**

How long has it been? I wish I needed to ask myself that. I wish I didn't know _exactly _how many days have passed since I fled my Clan, my ancestors and my life. Because if I didn't know that, then I would be free. I wouldn't be me anymore. I could let myself seep away into the air – giving my body over to my instincts, living feral and wild with no awareness of anyone or anything – least of all the passage of time.

But still every night I watch the sky, calculating each minute adjustment of the moon's face. A half-moon 'till the Gathering. A quarter-moon gone since I first set paw here.

The dreams are getting worse.

I can smell your scent, wildflowers and new leaves, twining through the air when I close my eyes. Your fur is the whisper of a thousand whispered promises, promises that dissipate the moment I try to listen to them. Two eyes, lit fiercely enough to drown out the stars, stare at me from the darkness.

Leave me alone.

Let me be.

You are what's keeping me sane – keeping me trapped as 'Spiderleg' instead of the wild beast I long to become. As long as I cling to my life I cannot let it go.

How long can I hold out? Which day will see me crawling back, begging for the Clan to take me back? How long until I'm begging you to take me back?

* * *

**Whitewing's POV**

He's been gone a quarter moon now. The Clan is starting to give up hope. I can see it in the slump of Firestar's shoulders; in the dull green stones that Ferncloud's eyes have become; I can hear it in the cruel barbs Dustpelt hisses to his Clanmates, and again in the agony of his prayers. Icepaw and Foxpaw are silent; their faces are filled with fear for their brother, their hero.

Birchfall is on every patrol our deputy sends out – Brambleclaw's orders to rest go unheeded by the headstrong tom. Nothing will keep him from looking for his brother. Poppypaw follows, her green eyes filled with sorrow, her paws gentle on his aching heart.

Everyone knows now that Snakebite is my mate. Somehow that's seemed to alleviate some of the blame the Clan had placed on me. They understand why I was so angry at Spiderleg when he attacked Snakebite, why I lashed out at him… I was protecting my mate.  
We've become the 'darlings' of the Clan. I suppose our Clanmates look to us for the promise of life and love and that everything will be okay. They need to know that the Clan is still strong, and that not everything in the forest is as downcast as it seems. And so they view our romance as all the sweeter, and dote on us like queens over new kits.

But every affectionate glance from the elders, every knowing wink from the queens… they sink claws deeper into my heart. What a cowardice traitor I have become. I could not wait even the short life-time of a warrior to be reunited with you – no, I had to let myself fall in love. Fox-dung is too good for me.

Snakebite doesn't deserve this. He should be with a she-cat who can truly love him, not my half-empty promises. He whispers to me that I love him, and bitter shadows clutch at my throat. Still, I murmur those wretched words back into his ears, wishing that StarClan would kill me where I stand.

I've driven Spiderleg from his home.

Every moment I live a lie, wounding him who I say to love best.

You turn your face away.

I hate myself.


End file.
